


Oh Waiter, Check Please

by moviemind1219



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Background Les Amis de l'ABC, Cosette Fauchelevent & Jean Prouvaire Friendship, Courfeyrac being Courfeyrac, Enjolras & Cosette Fauchelevent Friendship, F/M, Fluff, Les Amis de l'ABC Shenanigans, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:25:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2165754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviemind1219/pseuds/moviemind1219
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dinner with Enjolras's parents doesn't go exactly as planned.<br/>Cue Courfeyrac being Courfeyrac.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Waiter, Check Please

“Grantaire? Enjolras? Anybody here? Hellllloooooo?!” Courfeyrac called as he walked into his friends’ apartment.

Enjolras and Grantaire’s home was the normal hangout spot for the Les Amis so often their door was left unlocked. It made things easier when you had a party and didn’t have to answer the door 12 times, anyone could come and go as they pleased.

“I think Enjolras mentioned something about going out tonight,” Courfeyrac felt his boyfriend’s head rest on his shoulder and the familiar warmth of Combeferre’s arms wrapping around his torso.

“Well can we hang around here anyway? They always have food…even if it is usually Poptarts and Doritos,” said Courfeyrac as he untangled himself, so they could explore the kitchen.

“And wine, don’t forget the wine,” pointed Combeferre as he opened the fridge to see three bottles half empty.

Courfeyrac laughed, “Ah yes what would our Grantaire do without wine? Enjolras is Apollo so Grantaire must be Dionysus.”

He went over to his boyfriend to see if there’s any leftover pizza and when he noticed none, he kissed the man beside him on the forehead. He walked over to the pantry and opened the doors to find it completely barren.

“Ferre they don’t even have Poptarts,” he whined, “let’s go to McDonald’s or something. I could kill for some nuggets right now.” He grabbed Combeferre’s hand and started dragging him towards the door.

Courfeyrac’s boyfriend adjusted his glasses and laughed, “Okay, okay we’ll get you your nuggets, let’s go.”

They shut the fridge door and are about to leave the apartment when Courfeyrac stopped dead in his tracks. He began to grin devilishly. Combeferre stopped alongside him.

“Courf what’s wrong, it’s just a calendar.”

“Look.”

“Look at what?”

Combeferre’s very enthusiastic, and sometimes certifiably crazy, boyfriend pointed at today’s date on the calendar hanging on the back of the door.

“Courf I don’t under-” He cut off when he saw Courf begin to grin like the Cheshire Cat, his eyes sparkled with intensity, or insanity, Combeferre wasn’t sure.

“Courfeyrac no, I can see you scheming. I can hear you thinking I know that face.”

“What face?” he asks innocently.

“The face that usually ends up being a pain in my ass; whatever you’re planning don’t do it.”

“I changed my mind about McDonald’s let’s go out to eat. And let’s bring some friends,” Courfeyrac winked and Combeferre groaned.

“Ok before we go, I’m going on the record to say two things. One: I’m sooo not condoning whatever you have in mind. And two: don’t come crying to me when Enjolras kicks your ass.”

“Note acknowledged. Warning heeded and ignored,” Courf clapped his hands on either side of his lover’s face, “this is going to be fun.” He kissed Combeferre chastely and ran out the door and down the hall to the elevator.

“I hate it when you say that,” said Combeferre to the empty space in front of him, “but I love you too much to stop you.” He smirked and shut the door behind him, running to catch up with his favorite lunatic.

The calendar was still swinging on the back of the door as the two men rode down the elevator. Today’s date was circled in red Sharpie and in the center read:

Dinner with E’s Parents

@ Le Fromage at 8

Courfeyrac had a reservation for 10 to make.

***

Tonight was a very important night in Grantaire’s mind. He was going to meet Enjolras’s parents for the first time.

They had been officially dating for the past two years and for practically a decade before that they were in the perpetual will-they-or-won’t-they phase. They eventually progressed to we-make-out-in-any-available-space-but-I-don’t-know-if-we’re-boyfriend-and-boyfriend-yet, but it all changed when Enjolras and Grantaire walked into the Musain hand-in-hand saying they had a special announcement to make: they were a couple. Everyone simply turned to Combeferre, each giving him ten bucks.

“I guess I’m lucky I picked this week for you two to openly profess your love for one another,” he had said.

Enjolras had turned a deep red, almost the color of his signature jacket, and Grantaire had just smirked and kissed his (finally, as Courfeyrac had exasperatedly yelled) boyfriend on the cheek.

Now it was two years later and they were happier than they had been their whole lives. The duo was even contemplating getting a cat. Grantaire wanted to name him or her Penguin or Robot or something unique; Enjolras was just happy it wasn’t Fluffy or Mr. Whiskers.

They were sitting next to each other at a very nice table in a very nice restaurant and Grantaire’s leg would not stop shaking. Enjolras grabbed his thigh sweetly but firmly to stop him from moving. He moved closer to whisper.

“You’re going to be great. They’ve heard some things about you; I know they’ll love you like I do.”

“I’m just so nervous,” Grantaire admitted while turning his gaze towards the floor.

“Well,” Enjolras continued his breath hot against his boyfriend’s ear, “if this all goes as planned you’ll be rewarded when we get home…”

As Enjolras told Grantaire of his “reward” the man’s face flushed and his mouth dropped open. When the blonde moved away, Grantaire mouthed “Really?” He just nodded and kissed him.

“Well aren’t I just the luckiest guy-”

“Good evening sirs and welcome to Le Fromage,” interrupted their waiter.

“Hello Jehan,” whispered Grantaire.’

The waiter let go no sign that he had heard him, Jehan the epitome of grace and restraint, walked around to the other side of the table. He did however, let slip a little wink as he read off the specials.

“Actually _Jean Prouvaire_ ,” read Enjolras off of Jehan’s nametag, “we’re still waiting on my parents, so we may wait a bit to order,” Enjolras beckoned him closer as if asking for clarification on the menu, “and thank you for making this happen for us. We really appreciate it” he said softly.

Jehan reached to grab his hand under the table and gave it a small squeeze. He smiled at the men in front of him, as friends and not as his patrons, and said, “Boys, I love love. And besides I would do anything for you guys.” He winked again and returned to the kitchen to pick up his order for another table.

Just as Jehan left the dining room, a rambunctious and ragtag group of individuals entered.

The hostess asked the mass in front of her, with a high arch in her brow, and with all the pompous scorn she could muster, “Do you have a reservation?”

“Hello Veronica,” said the tiniest of the group. A petite blonde stepped forward, “I believe my father set aside a table for me and my friends, after all he does own Le Fromage.”

The color drained from Veronica’s face. “Yes Miss Cosette, I didn’t see you there. I’m so terribly sorry, let me seat you immediately. I didn’t know Mr. Valjean’s daughter was coming,” she stammered.

“It was a last minute favor.”

“Let me go make sure everything is perfect before I take you to your table,” Veronica at first the lion, now the lamb, scurried off to preserve her job.

Cosette turned back to her friends. They all looked at her with shock, they had never seen anyone so afraid of their second favorite blonde. Musichetta stepped through the small crowd and gave her a high five.

“Now that, my little cheese nuggets,” Musichetta said looking back to face the group, “is how it’s done.”

They all laughed and when Veronica returned carrying a large stack of menus, she escorted them to their table. Which just so happened to be right across from Enjolras and Grantaire’s.

As they walked Joly looked up at Bossuet, “I don’t know how she does it, but our Chetta somehow makes ‘cheese nuggets’ sound endearing.”

“I’m magic,” said their love appearing at their side out of thin air. She ruffled their hair and ran to catch up to Eponine and Cosette. They continued to stare after her longingly.

Grantaire saw them before Enjolras did.

“Shit. _Shitshitshitshitshit_.”

“What, what’s wron-” he stopped, seeing Courfeyrac suggestively waving at him from the table adjacent to theirs.

Enjolras’s head fell into his hands on the table and Grantaire vaguely heard him mutter something along the lines of murdering Courf with a chainsaw. When he looked up, Grantaire saw a look he so rarely saw on his boyfriend’s face: fear. He had never seen Enjolras look more terrified in his life.

“R, there’s a reason why my parents have only met Combeferre.”

“You’re trying to introduce us in little doses, I get that,” R said while rubbing circles on Enjolras’s back.

“ _They can’t handle everyone at once_ ,” Enjolras said beginning to hyperventilate.

“E, look at me. It’s going to be fine, I’ll fix this. Just delay your parents a little,” Grantaire scanned the restaurant for Jehan, not seeing him anywhere. He reverted back to rubbing circles in the small of Enjolras’s back, trying to calm him down.

Jehan exited the kitchen with a great number of plates precariously balancing on his arms. When he saw them he almost dropped them all. The floral poet by day, waiter by night quickly deposited the dishes at the correct table and discreetly ran over to the hostess.

“Who’s section is the 10-top in? And how the hell did they get a table if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Yours and you see that blonde? That’s the owner’s daughter,” said Veronica pointing out Cosette.

“Cosette’s dad owns this place?!” Jehan said incredulously.

“You know them?”

“If I wasn’t working tonight, I’d be sitting with that group of crazies. We’re practically family,” he said slapping his hand against his forehead.

“Well this should be an interesting evening,” Veronica said crossing her arms over her chest.

“Dinner and a show,” Jehan gave some jazz hands as he walked toward his new table.

As he approached his friends, he caught sight of the mess that was Enjolras and Grantaire. He veered over to them to check on how they were doing with their neighbors. Enjolras was on the phone, clearly trying to stall his parents and Grantaire was running his hand lovingly through those heavenly locks. R looked up when he saw Jehan. His eyes were desperate and wild.

“How? Just how?”

“R, I don’t know how they found out about your date, but apparently Valjean owns this place so that’s how they got in. But I bet you one month’s worth of flower crowns that Courf is behind this.”

“I have a feeling you’re right. Listen Jehan, this is a really big night, so could you try to control them? Or at least put them somewhere, not right next to us? I mean Jesus,” he gestured at Courf and the others who were making kissy faces and waving at them.

“Don’t you worry about it, I’ll handle the bozos over there. How long do I have?” Jehan asked, pulling out a pad and pen.

“Fifteen minutes max.”

“Have no fear, Jehan the waiter is here,” he put his hands on his hips like a real superhero then flipped around to face the other table. They were giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls, whispering to one another. Courfeyrac, at the head of the table, looked up from his menu.

“Ah Jehan will you be waiting on us on this most extraordinary evening?”

Jean Prouvaire looked pointedly at Combeferre who was on Courf’s right. The man shrugged apologetically as if to say, “I tried to stop him, but it’s Courfeyrac.”

He turned his stare back to Courfeyrac and carried on in his waitorial duties.

“Welcome to Le Fromage, can I start you off with something to drink?”

They went around the table with their orders. Joly an ice water, Bossuet and Musichetta some wine, Eponine, Feuilly, and Bahorel some beer, Courf and Ferre a different kind of wine, Cosette a sparkling water, and Marius a slippery nippple.

“My god, first that ridiculous non-fat, half-soy whipped cream on the side Starbucks crap, and now this?” scoffed Eponine.

“What? A man can’t enjoy a frilly drink now and again?” asked Marius annoyed.

“That’s the ultimate frilly drink my man,” retorted Feuilly.

“He’s ordered a virgin Shirley Temple many a time,” said Cosette.

Marius blushed. As Jehan turned to leave he went over to Cosette’s seat and tapped her on the shoulder.

“What’s up JP?”

“Can you come with me for a sec?” He motioned for her to follow him back to the bar where he placed their drinks order. Jehan twirled his ginger hair nervously.

“Did Courf tell you why he wanted all of you to eat here tonight?”

Cosette looked confused. “He said we were surprising Enjolras and Grantaire, why?”

Jehan groaned and then told Cosette what was actually going on. When he finished, she gasped putting her hand to her mouth.

“Yeah, I thought he didn’t tell everyone.”

“Oh my god Jehan, we’re going to ruin everything. I love us all together, but we’re crazy!”

Jehan leaned toward Cosette, “I don’t know what to do, and we don’t have a lot of time.”

Cosette scratched her chin then patted his chest. “I got this, there are some benefits to being the daughter of Jean Valjean.”

She left him standing by the bar and stomped past their table, receiving a confused glance from Marius, straight up to Veronica. The hostess saw Cosette not looking happy and practically choked on the gum she was chewing. She was coughing as Cosette reached the podium.

“Miss Cosette, is everything...alright?”

“I was wondering if you could have us moved to that booth in the back, I feel our group would disturb less guests from over there,” she pointed to the empty booth on the other side of the restaurant, far away from Enjolras and Grantaire.

“Absolutely, anything for you Miss Cosette, I’ll have Jean Prouvaire move you right now,” said Veronica shuffling around to try to get Jehan’s attention. “Just a moment.”

She practically ran to Jehan who was at one of his other tables, and almost slammed into him as he retreated to the kitchen. She muttered under her breath something about stilettos and exercise not going together.

Out of breath she gasped, “Jehan...move…those friends of yours...to that booth...over there.” She held onto her sides as she heaved.

“Veronica, as your friend,” she glared at him, “fine, as your colleague, I recommend that you quit smoking.”

She laughed a little, “Smoking for me is a stress reliever. Some people garden, or write poetry, _hey don’t look at me like I just offended your daffodils_ so if I don’t smoke I’m going to kill someone, most likely you. Okay? Okay. Now go,” she shooed him off.

Cosette returned to their table to help Jehan get everyone over to their new booth. Nobody really seemed to mind except Courfeyrac.

“But whyyyy?” he whined to Cosette throwing his head back. She then proceeded to grab him and pull him towards the bathrooms. She slammed him against the hallway wall. In that instant, the sweet, innocent Cosette was no more and a fire breathing, yet still adorable, dragon took her place.

She hissed through her teeth, “ _Because I found out why we’re really here_.”

Courfeyrac smirked.

“Calm down blondie, it’s all innocent fun.”

“You mess this up for them and I will cut you,” Cosette slowly drew her finger across her throat. Courfeyrac wiggled his eyebrows and her serious demeanor broke. No one could stay mad at Courf. He’s the glue in this whacky bunch, and without him they wouldn’t have all found each other. She smacked his forehead, not lightly, her smile returned, and they went to their new seats.

As Courfeyrac slid next to Combeferre, his boyfriend asked, “So did Mother Hen scold you?”

“Yes, but as you know very well, once I set my mind to something,” he dropped his hand to Ferre’s thigh where it lazily but deliberately traveled upward. Ferre’s breath hitched and Courf leaned in closer, his breath warming Combeferre’s cheek, “ I can’t be stopped.” Before the moment became too indecent for public, Jehan cleared his throat quite loudly.

“Now,” he said scowling at the evil mastermind, “what can I get for you?”

***

Grantaire barely noticed what Jehan was doing to fix this mess because he was too preoccupied with his boyfriend’s panic attack. When his face had returned to its normal alabaster color and his breathing had slowed to its normal pace, Jehan had returned to refill their waters.

“All set boys. Everyone is in that booth over there,” he pointed across the way. They were still in Enjolras and Grantaire’s eyeline, but  when Enjolras’s parents arrived they would, _thank you Patria_ , be facing away from Les Amis.

“Jehan I could kiss you,” said Grantaire, “you saved the evening.”

“Well, it wasn’t all me, Cosette can pull some pretty big strings...but remember, you can still see them and they can still see you. So, this night hasn’t even begun.”

Before Grantaire could respond, Enjolras abruptly stood up.

His parents were here.

Jehan scurried off to attend to his other tables while Enjolras made introductions.

“Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend Grantaire,” he said gesturing to R. He shook their hands and they all sat down.

“So Mr.-”

“Please call me Robert.”

“Oh and call me Ellen please, the whole Mr. and Mrs. business makes us feel so old,” Ellen smiled and suddenly Grantaire felt like this night was going to be completely fine.

“So,” Grantaire laughed, “Robert, Ellen, you two have a really fantastic son.”

Ellen giggled, “ Well thank you Grantaire. We’ve heard so much about you, for years actually,” Enjolras blushed fiercely as R turned to gape at him, “so it’s nice to finally meet the man my son can’t stop talking to me about.”

“Really?” he asked Enjolras’s mother. Under the table Grantaire reached for Enjolras’s hand. They interlaced their fingers and squeezed.

“Yes, really. Last Thanksgiving we swapped his sparkling Apple Cider for Champagne, he needed to live a little, and for three hours we heard every little detail about you,” Ellen chimed in.

“Every. Little. Detail. Or shall I say big detail?” Robert said with his eyebrow arched. He laughed and both men across the table turned very, very red realizing what he meant.

Grantaire dropped his face into his hand, “ Oh my god he didn’t.”

“Let’s just say, we had to get his little cousins out of the room as soon as possible,” Ellen said grinning at the blushing duo in front of her, “and I believe my son was right, you do have a cute butt.”

“MOM.”

“What honey, he does!”

“Yes, perfect shape,” admitted Robert. With that they fell into raucous laughter.

“Hello, sorry for interrupting, my name is Jean Prouvaire and I will be your waiter tonight, what would you like?”

They ordered their meals and as Enjolras’s parents fell into another story, R thought it would be safe to hazard a glance over at his friends, so he took a sip of water and looked over. He was unprepared to see an Eiffel Tower made out of silverware and the group waving maniacally.

Grantaire choked on his water and Courfeyrac winked at him. Enjolras patted his back as he got through the spasms.

“Are you alright Grantaire?” asked Enjolras’s father.

He wiped his mouth with his napkin, discreetly eyeing the booth so Enjolras would notice. He did. His brow furrowed for a second then returned to normal.

“Yes I’m fine, just went down the wrong pipe.”

“Oh I hate when that happens,” said Ellen.

Appetizers went well, not a single antic from the booth. Little did they know Courf was planning something special.

***

“Courf no,” warned Combeferre.

“Come on it’ll be fun! We’re basically the only one’s left in here, no one will see.”

“Again, don’t come crying to me when Enjolras kicks your ass.”

Out of the side of his mouth Courf said, “I think it’s Cosette I have to worry about.” As if on cue, Cosette cracks her knuckles across the booth. Courfeyrac shivered.

“She may be tiny, but she scares the shit out of me.”

Ferre let out a hearty laugh. Courf quickly kissed him then let his hand return to his partner’s thigh. Combeferre resigned and sighed.

“Fine, get me a marker.”

“Have I told you I love you? Because I love you.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.”

The four at the table on the other side of the room were enjoying their entrees when they heard a loud shuffling.

“What was that?” asked Ellen beginning to turn her head to look behind her.

Seeing the spectacle behind his parents Enjolras stood up and shouted, “NO nonono stop!”

Startled, his parents looked at him concerned.

“It’s just some waiters moving some tables. Someone dropped a platter and the shards are everywhere, nothing too interesting,” said Grantaire pulling that scenario out of his perfectly shaped ass.

“Oh, well alright,” said Robert and went back to cutting his steak.

Enjolras let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in and sat down. He leaned over and whispered in Grantaire’s ear.

“I’m going to kill him.”

Grantaire looked back over at the booth where just Cosette was seated. She was clearly trying to burn a hole through Courferyac’s head from the way she stared at him. The other nine had lined up in front of the booth all flashing their stomachs in their direction. Each had a giant markered letter on their abdomen spelling out: WE LOVE YOU.

Crazy and annoying, but sweet. That’s Courfeyrac for ya.

Jehan took their empty plates and asked if they wanted any dessert. Ellen suggested that they all split one.

“That’s a marvelous idea darling,” said Robert kissing her cheek.

“We’ll take the special,” said Enjolras, “now if you’ll excuse me I have to use the little revolutionary’s room.” He pushed his chair out and got up, walking in the opposite direction of the restroom and straight toward the booth.

The 10 didn’t see him approach, they were engrossed in one of Feuilly’s hilarious stories of working at Michael’s.

“And then my manager said, ‘Feuilly get me a fan I need air!’” Clearly it was a funny story because they all laughed.

“If it ends like that I definitely have to hear that one from the beginning,” said Enjolras.

Joly squeaked. Eponine muttered, “Oh shit.” And the rest of the booth fell silent.

He turned to Cosette, “Thank you my darling for helping us tonight, I owe you my deepest gratitude.” She smiled at him and stuck out her tongue at Courf. He turned to Courfeyrac who was about to receive the wrath of the kraken.

“This evening is almost over. If you make one more attempt to ruin it, or embarrass me and Grantaire in front of my parents, I swear to Patria I will take everyone to Disney World except you.”

The booth gasped.

“You wouldn’t,” whispered Courf.

“Do I kid Combeferre?” asked Enjorlas, still looking at Courfeyrac.

“You do not kid.”

“Exactly. So Courfeyrac pick your next words very carefully because they may just be your last.”

The man slowly picked up his white napkin from his lap and waved it in the air.

“A man knows when he’s beaten. And I really freaking love Disney World how dare you use that against me. I surrender O’ fearless leader.”

“My god, you’re so French,” said Feuilly. Beside him Bahorel guffawed.

“Good. Thank you. I’m now going to return to my table, but I may still kick your ass later,” admitted Enjolras pointing to Courfeyrac.

As he headed back to his family he heard Combeferre say, “I told you so.”

“Shut up.”

Enjolras smirked and by the time he sat down again, the table had already dug in on what appeared to be a chocolate lava cake.

“Sorry sweetie, we couldn’t help ourselves.”

“It’s fine Mom, as long as you saved some for me.”

The rest of the date went swimmingly and when they finally called for Jehan to bring the check, Enjolras and Grantaire both noticed that the booth was empty. They must’ve all gone home. The two looked at each other and grinned. Jehan placed the check down and motioned for them to open it. Inside, their receipt had a handwritten note on the bottom.

“I hope the night went well, even with a few bumps in the road. Your whole meal was comped, perk of being the owner’s daughter. Maybe someday we could all meet your parents. From the laughter it sounded like they’re great people, but even we can’t handle Courfeyrac sometimes.

Love and Hugs,

Cosette”

“I knew I loved her,” whispered Grantaire. Enjolras nodded and handed it back to Jehan.

“Well it was an immeasurable joy to meet you Grantaire, and I hope to see you again very soon,” said Ellen as she hugged him tightly.

“Me too. Maybe I’ll see you at Thanksgiving?”

Robert was hugging Enjolras.

“Hold on to that one son,” he said.

“Oh, I intend to,” he grinned over at Grantaire and his mother chatting away.

Grantaire and Robert shook hands and the two couples parted ways.

 

***

Later, Enjolras and Grantaire were sweaty and tangled in the sheets and each other’s legs perfectly content. They were running their hands through each other’s hair. Grantaire pulled Enjolras close to him.

“That was some reward,” he whispered seductively. Enjolras giggled.

Suddenly, their phones simultaneously buzzed. They had received a text and an image from Courfeyrac. The text was:

“I’m sorry, but next time don’t circle it in bright red Sharpie on your calendar okay? Also, you two are perfect together. Goodnight. ;-)”

The image was of them mid-laugh looking at each other with such love and adoration it could’ve stopped time.

“See he does stupid shit then sends us things like this,” said Grantaire sniffling wiping a tear from his eye.

“I guess that’s what makes him Courf.” They smiled at each other, their foreheads touching.

Enjolras puts their phones down then grabs Grantaire’s face, bringing their lips together softly. They break apart and Grantaire sighs happily.

“Oh waiter, check please,” breathed Grantaire as pulled the covers over their heads once again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and suggestions are always welcome! <3moviemind1219


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